I apologize in advance for no pictures today. This morning it slipped our minds and tonight she was snoozing hard and nothing was waking her up. Perhaps we finally got our days and nights straightened out :)
This morning, we got up early enough to make rounds at the hospital. They start at 830 though sometimes they're not always punctual; like today. It was more around 9. I had trouble sleeping last night and then getting up every few hours to pump and then Drew had stayed up watching hulu so we were both very sleepy this morning. Nevertheless, we made it on time.
As usual - her team of doctors came strolling in - all 8 of them. She is still off her feeds but she's still getting nutrition streamed right in through her veins. They x rayed again and her Doctor said her bowels looked a lot better. Despite that though, they still want to start her on erythromycin tomorrow morning. Apparently, in a lot of preeclampsia babies, they can get stressed out because they sense their mother's sick and the first sign of stress for them is in their bowels. They can develop air in their bowels which is what Mia has. She is still pooping and quite a lot and they said that's great it means things are still going through, just a little slower. Giving her the erythromycin will help fix the air issue and keep things moving.
I am having quite a time with this whole post traumatic stress disorder some day and today was one of those days. Upon hearing that she has this bowel issue because I had preeclampsia instantly made me blame myself. If I hadn't had preeclampsia, I'd still be pregnant, we wouldn't be sitting in the NICU right now in Morgantown and she wouldn't be having this issue with her bowels. I really, really, really dislike feeling like that. Some days I'm perfectly fine, other days, I just can't take it. I held back on my tears at that moment. After they left, I kangarooed her for almost 2 hours. I just wanted to sit and snuggle with her after that. We both kind of dozed off a little during that time too.
As we walked out of the hospital, I was quiet and for anyone who knows me, well, I'm never quiet. :) Drew picked up on it pretty quickly but I kept telling him I was fine that I was just tired. We went to Arby's to grab some lunch and as soon as we pulled into the parking lot, he asked me one more time what was wrong and I just lost it. I told him it was my fault she was having bowel issues. It was my fault because of the preeclampsia. It was just all my fault.
My poor husband. I feel like he has to pick me up and dust me off and get me moving again more times then not these days. He let me cry it out, we talked and I slowly calmed down. He's great at calming me down and putting things into perspective for me. I've been better since then but I won't lie, the thought does still linger in the back of my mind. I don't normally ask for prayer for me specifically but this disorder can work a number on you so yeah, if you think about it, I would appreciate a prayer or two. It gets better everyday though, so I count that as a plus :)
In Mia news - she was weighed last night. Despite only getting the nutrition through her veins, our little champ has yet again, gained weight! :) She did weigh 2lbs 7.2oz and as of yesterday she now weighs 2lbs 9.6oz! She has almost doubled her weight which is awesome! :)