Sunday, August 29th

I'm a few hours late on Sunday's blog and I even debated on writing about yesterday at all, but I'm learning the more I can talk about what we're going through - really the better off it is for Drew and I.

Yesterday was...rough. Not for Mia in the slightest - but mainly for this Mama. I suppose that while I was in the hospital, I never once really imagined how hard it would be to walk out the front door not taking Mia with us. For almost a week - she was simply just a walk ( let's be real - a wheelchair ride ) down the hall and maybe I took that for granted.

Yes, it was hard for me to be on the mother/ baby unit and hear all those precious babies all night and know I couldn't reach out and pick up mine as easily as they were doing, but still, I was coping and dealing with that. I have been in a lot of pain since my c section as well so I think I was just worried about getting that under control along with my blood pressure.

To hear the words 'discharge' after a week is like music. After about the 3rd day of being there, you sadly sort of start to adjust and get a good schedule going, almost as if it's just part of the norm of your life at the time.

Once we heard I was getting discharged, it was like our door never stayed closed. We were visited by nurses and other staff who were just so excited for us. Staying at WVU has been unlike anything Drew or I have experienced. These people have gone well above and beyond their job to make sure we are comfortable, our needs are getting met, our families are happy, etc. We had the best care from the moment I walked in the door. We had nurses who bent over backwards to help us and make sure we felt comfortable. I'm pretty sure there isn't a thank you card big enough that would even begin to cover how we feel about this place.

Upon leaving the hospital, we were just bombarded with information and paper work for various things. Since Mia was so early, she qualifies for certain levels of state assistance, etc. We were also visited by a lactation consultant, a few Dr's, etc. Once everyone left, we just felt so heavy and laid down with information. It was alot to process in such a short amount of time.

I was discharged around 3pm and we quickly drove the .8 miles up over to the Ronald McDonald House. This will be our home until Mia is ready to come home with us. We are thankful that it is so close and that we are fortunate enough to be able to stay here so we can be close to her.

After we checked in and got all of our stuff unloaded into our room here, I simply sat down and started to cry. I hadn't really slept in a week, I was exhausted and in pain and I never imagined how hard it would be to walk out of the hospital without my baby. I thought I could handle it, I thought I'd be fine considering everything else we have been through. I was wrong. I felt like I was abandoning her by leaving the hospital. I felt like I'd been short changed. I felt the whole ordeal was very unfair and I was upset.

Let me just say that my husband has been my rock this past week. He has been so amazing and supportive during this whole crazy situation that it makes me love him even more. He held me and assured me it was fine and ok to cry, that I had a right to. He then began by telling me all the positives. That even though we can't take Mia home yet we should be thankful that we have a place to stay that's literally right next door, that she is one of the best NICU's in the nation, that she is doing as well as she's doing, that we have such an amazing support team and mainly that we serve a God who knows how we feel and is hugging us so tightly right now.

We go see our little princess about 4-5 times a day for about an hour each time. The first time I saw her - oddly enough, even though she's mine, I felt like I was staring at someone else's baby.It was very odd. It was almost like we were just there visiting someone's little preemie. I was told that was normal and to give it a few days. By last night - those ideas had fled as well. As soon as I walk into the NICU - I want to know how her last few hours have been, how she's doing at the moment, eating, etc. After that, I just pull up a chair and sit there with her. I open her isolete. I put my hand on her and we just spend that time bonding and connecting. I am starting to pump while I am at her bedside as well and that is a very neat experience.

Last night at around 7 - they fed her through her IV tube. I was so excited and almost in tears because all she had last night was my milk that I had pumped out a few hours earlier. For the past few days, they have been mixing what I pump with preemie formula. Last night however, it was all my milk. I was beyond excited. There are so many benefits to breast milk, especially for preemies and the fact that she had that and nothing else made me so happy.

Her nurse talked to us last night about the possibility of her UAV tube in her stomach coming out very soon. They are talking about putting a pic line in which is normal for preemies. The line eliminates any need for the other stomach tube and the line going in would also mean we can start kangaroo care which is what they are goaling towards for us sooner rather then later. They really want Mia and I to have that skin to skin contact that's so important f or her right now. I almost jumped out of my chair last night after she told us that! I want noting more right now then to hold my little girl and Lord willing by the sounds of it - it will happen soon!

Other then that, Mia is about the same. I am told that's good. No news is good news. She had her eyes open alot yesterday and was moving her arms around alot as well. She likes to know what's going on around her. They started giving her a pacifier last night which she loves! We are also told she's a bit fiesty and has alot of fight and spunk in her. That's our girl! Keep up the fight, Mia and we'll be home before you know it!